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Long Time, No Write.

I would like to express my extreme gratitude to my readers who have helped me achieve over 10k views in 5 months.  I was on vacation for a week and not really posting much over the past month, so when I logged in today I was all smiles!

It has been a very surreal past few months for me.  My personal life is in a place I would not have believed if told details 6 months ago.  I’m in a wonderful new(ish) relationship with an old flame, I’m in a new living situation I’ve never been in which is pretty awesome, and my sister is getting married in a little over a week with me as Maid of Dishonor. But this is what I’ve been feeling like doing instead of going to the gym…


It’s that horrible spiral I find myself on when my health routine gets interrupted.   But these are life’s curve balls that get thrown at you whether you are sick, have little ones, have a full social calendar, or go on vacation and your gym/workout schedule gets pushed to the side.  I attempted Yoga while on vacation, but in an environment with lots of bugs and humidity in a cabin with NO AIR CONDITIONING I gave up after 2 days.  Then upon return from vacation my boyfriend moves in with me the very next day.  Not finding time to get to the gym because I’m hot and exhausted from our road trip and the move makes me realize I’m just coming up with excuses.  So I get down on myself.  This leads to a week of adjusting to the new living situation with a house in disarray and going back to work for the week.  I do have time for the gym if I made an effort, but I’d rather get the house together so it looks presentable than focus on myself making sure I look presentable.  Once again I need to change my way of thinking.

no time gym

I will stop thinking like the photo above.  I need to get my priorities back on track, I need to start making time for my own well being, and I need to remind myself it’s not too late.  I mentioned in a previous post if you fall off the healthy living wagon for a day, a week, a month, or even a year, it may be difficult to get back on but not impossible.  Of course it would be ideal not to fall off the wagon at all, but pshaw, I’m far from leading an ideal life!  What I do need is to take my own words of advice and not feel like I’ve permanently messed up my health regiment.  Time to get back to making better decisions!  It’s something I need to do, and I will.

I will take the feeling of tight jeans, joint pain, and lethargy as a reminder that I need to start moving just a little bit each day instead of feeling depressed and sabotaging myself when I go down the dark path of healthy destruction.  I will remind myself that my usual daunting 2-3 hour gym routine doesn’t have to exist.  Running for 20 minutes is better than nothing, don’t you remember that amazing feeling you get from the endorphins after a workout!?  Believe me, once I get moving, I’m good to go.  It’s the getting moving part that I have trouble with, I seem to psych myself out instead of up.

Stupid Newton and his physics laws of motion.

This blog helps keep me accountable for my actions and I cannot thank the blogging community and readers enough for it’s support and outlet for people struggling with body image and health issues their whole life.   Writing has always been easier for me than speaking face to face (though I’m definitely pretty open in person too) but it’s when I’m not open in either area when things are probably bad.  This blog helps me get out of that dark place and back on track.  I suggest anyone thinking about starting a blog should create one as a therapeutic resource on top of any other personal reasons.

So far, It’s worked for me.

Cravings and Self-Sabotage


Public Domain Image by Shirley Hirst

When I get unhealthy cravings that are not satiated by healthy alternatives I tend to teeter on the brink of self-sabotage.  This week has been full of cravings of the processed sweets variety and giving into them, while at the same time trying to rein back the urge to eat everything bad for me in sight.  I just could not get full on Wednesday.  I am sure it’s the fact that I’m able to eat solid foods again post-tonsillectomy, coupled with that once a month time in most every ladies life between 12 and 51 year of age.  In order to satisfy these cravings I had to make a decision.  What am I going to eat, and how much am I going to allow myself to consume?

In the past, I could easily eat an entire box/bag of something I was craving then feel horrible about making that poor decision and think to myself, “Well I screwed that up, might as well eat like crap again tomorrow…and the next day…and the next day”.  I always had a problem knowing when to stop eating food in general.  This is something I still struggle with, so when I get the bottomless pit feeling I remember to breath and not freak out.  Something as simple as taking a few seconds to ask yourself, “what is the better choice” can make a huge difference in how you are going to feel about yourself later that night.  Though I still struggle some days, I am determined to change how I think, leading to changes in how I act.

Portion control is something to be kept in mind during these ravenous times.  When I am feeling insatiable, I make sure to purchase smaller portions of unhealthy items if I decide to give into temptation.  For example, I really wanted a dessert roll I found at the local grocery store.  Upon further searching, I found a container with a few tiny dessert rolls at 210 calories per roll.  This was a decision I made to feed my craving but not feed my self-hate.  Sure, I could choose to eat a lot more healthy food for 210 calories, but would it satisfy me?  Maybe.  But I wanted what I wanted.  I can usually get my sweets cravings satisfied by a piece of fruit, but there are certain times when that just doesn’t cut it.  I want that processed sugar in my belly!  These are the times I must remember to pay close attention to portion control.

Also during these times of dangerous cravings, I make it a point to avoid the scale.  This is a personal choice because I know my self-sabotage triggers.  The scale can trigger some negative reactions and actions if I see the numbers going up instead of down on my journey to weight loss.  I can be the poster child of self-sabotage if these numbers get in my head.  But these days, I keep reminding myself even if I decide to eat poorly one or two or even three days in a row, all hope is not lost and to not be so hard on myself.  Even if it’s a week of poor food decisions, a month, 2 months, it’s never too late to get back on track.  Given, the longer I allow myself to fall comfortable into the world of bad habits the more difficult it is for me personally to get back on track.  So if you feel you have the power to change how you think sooner rather than later, then do it sooner.  Also, keep logging your poor food choices.  It’s not fun to realize how much you went over calories, but it makes you accountable. For example, I went way over calories on Wednesday, but after averaging in the week via myfitnesspal I can still hit my weekly weight loss goal if I stay under my alloted calories through the weekend.

I’ve noticed a lot of my friends have been vocal recently about getting off track with their health and food choices, feeling hopeless about getting back on their own personal quest for health and happiness. I’m here today to say it’s not impossible, albeit not easy for some.  One may say it’s easy to not do something; don’t eat that extra piece, don’t eat the entire plate of nachos. etc.  To me, I laugh in their face!  I frikkin’ love nachos!  Food is my drug, it tastes delicious and makes me happy in the moment.  Why wouldn’t I want to feel that way all the time!?  Regardless of the negative aftermath of overeating, I still have these bouts of weakness and instead of fleeing or giving in completely, I try to hammer out a balanced plan.  If I choose to eat this, then tomorrow I will choose to not eat as many calories or I will choose to move more to burn more calories.  Food is something you cannot stop eating cold turkey (or tofurkey for the vegetarians) and you obviously need food to continue living in this world of ours.  Unfortunately we can’t take a meal pill ala The Jetsons…yet?  This causes my “all or nothing” personality to have quite an internal struggle.  It forces me to be strong willed and make the best decisions for my long term health if I want to live past 50 without a ton of ailments.  Making the right decision causes me to become friends with my food monster.  It reminds me I am a lot stronger than I think.

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