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The Katy Diaries Entry #2

“I’m Sorry I Hurt You”

It is said with the best intentions by people who inadvertently caused someone emotional pain.  You are trying your best to be kind and show compassion and say the right thing, but in my heartfelt opinion you are not fully taking responsibility for the actions that lead up to the hurt.  Admitting you are sorry for the damage done to ones heart is only half of it.  If it was not intentional, your choices and actions that lead to someone’s pain should still be recognized.  Telling someone “I’m sorry I hurt you” is like telling someone you are sorry they are human.

If you truly want to be sorry, be sorry for what you did or how you went about your decisions.  For example, I would say “I’m sorry I punched you in the face” or “I’m sorry I never told you I was pining over an ex throughout our relationship even though I told you convincingly I was completely over them.”

Look I get it, my ex wanted to be the man who could love someone like me. He felt something for me, he felt a love there, but it wasn’t “THE love”.  I know it took time for him to come to that conclusion and he was honest with me when he figured it all out.  I know I’m a strong personality, I know I am not typical or normal, I know I am unique and weird and I love that about myself.  I just ask that if you aren’t sure and are confused about your feelings for me, you clue me in and take a “break” or slow down so I can make my own decision on whether I want to continue to be with you to see if we are meant to be together, or not.  It’s not up to only you in a partnership to make that decision secretly, otherwise your partner feels like the rug is being pulled out from beneath them once the light bulb goes off in your head and heart.  If you truly want to be a “nice guy” you would be communicative early on before an emotional investment has been made.  It’s not rocket science, it’s common dating courtesy.

I refuse to tell myself I’m lucky I even got an answer or the truth, because no one, man or woman, deserves to have their heart toyed with or have someone just disappear on them after cultivating a loving relationship.  That’s what can create tough, cold, bitter humans and no matter how hard they try not to have a new love pay the price of an ex, it’s really…really…difficult.  I know I’ll have trouble trusting the next guy, but I am not the kind of girl to let my heart harden.  I will just keep the wall up as long as needed, and the right guy will patiently wait for it to come tumbling down.

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