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Happy Blog Birthday, Baby!

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On February 5th 2013, I started this blog because I needed an outlet to talk about the difficult task of reaching a healthier weight, staying motivated, and living a fit lifestyle in a world full of unhealthy temptation.  I figured if i could help some friends and strangers along the way connect with my stories, then that would be a wonderful accomplishment in my life.

67 posts and 16,761 views later, I would officially consider myself a blogger!  Perhaps I don’t blog as regularly as I should, but I do think that documenting my journey for a year has helped me deal with my daily food and exercise struggles and hopefully aided in some type of “you are not alone” support for my readers.

I want to thank any new visitors (Hi & welcome) as well as my amazing regular readers for coming back time and time again and taking away from it what is needed for you at that moment during your journey.  I’m not perfect, I’m not a professional, and sometimes I’m too ashamed of my actions to write everything down in a public forum. But the outpouring of support and encouragement from my readers fueled all of my entries and helped me to maintain a regular voice, and for that I will be forever thankful.

If you are entertained, inspired, or feel less hate towards yourself then my job here is worth every revealing entry.

Is This Thing On?

HelloHello It’s time I crawl out from under my offline rock and get back into the blogging hemisphere.  I have much appreciation for those who continue to blog through the valleys of life, and I hope one day to be able to get to that point without turning into an Eeyore type personality.

Now it’s time to brace yourself and read a list of things I’ve learned over the past 6 months.  The bottom line is when someone you unconditionally love takes advantage of your kindness and betrays your trust, I found there are ways to move forward.

1. Trust.

  • Trust yourself.  Trust your instincts.  If you don’t have tangible evidence or proof but something going on in your relationship or your world in general doesn’t feel right, trust in your emotional intelligence. Hopefully you can distinguish control or abandonment issues from gut feelings. Sometimes I can’t until it’s too late and hindsight has become 20/20. But damnit, I am a smart woman. I am determined to trust myself more from this point on.

2. Know.

  • Know that you are stronger than you may think. Know that if you are not happy, you deserve better.  Know that your happiness should come before anyone elses and if someone is directly effecting your own mental health you must not ignore it or sweep it under the rug no matter how often the other person refuses to confront the issue. I do not mean to say you should be a selfish douchenozzle and fail to empathize with others.  I have learned that you won’t be able to get that warm and fuzzy feeling that comes with helping others if you aren’t taking care of your own emotional, physical, and spiritual well being.  It’s been a battle for me, and after 35 years I’ve realized I need to stop preaching and start believing.

3. Feel & Deal.

  • Feel the good, the bad, and the ugly and don’t put a time limit on it .  Years ago a good friend told me that you need to feel the hurt someone inflicted upon you so you never forget how that particular person effected you. I am someone who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, so this is advice I personally take with a grain of salt as every situation is different.  But I often refer to those words when a person leads me into a gut wrenching wave of hurt. I’m also a type of person who wants to deal with any negative situation fast and furious because my rational side is saying MOVE ON, don’t be a Debbie Downer, while my sensitive side is clearly not listening.  If you are feeling great one day it’s completely understandable to not feel so great the next day.  I’ve had to hear that a few times from my loving friends over the past few months after I showed much frustration over my roller coaster emotions.  I repeat, there is no magic time limit! Ride the emotional wave, call on others for support, and the people who truly care about you will never make you feel like you cannot reach out to them or that your feelings aren’t justified.  If you must be an island but cannot find emotional ease, look to yourself to figure out why you try to do it all on your own instead of leaning on someone, whether it be a professional, family member, clergy, or friend.
  • Deal with the crappy negative emotions now so you can move to the beautiful and positive emotions later. Be patient.  I’m not a patient person when it comes to myself, so this is especially difficult for me to accept.  Deal with it so you can eventually put it behind you and possibly turn your trunks of baggage into a few carry on bags.

4. Cleanse.

  • Cleanse your life of emotional vampires.  There are 5 types of emotional vampires:  Narcissistic, Victim, Controller, Constant talker, and Drama Queen.  I may sound like a drama queen myself, but I recently cleansed my life of a couple of huge emotional vampires.  These types of people are the worst kind of abusers because most don’t see any harm in their actions and there is no physical scarring. There is plenty of psychological damage that can be done though if you are not self aware, careful, and trusting of your own instincts.

5. Forgive.

  • Forgiveness is an act for yourself, not others.  In some cases it’s your “self” that you must learn to forgive!  In all the research I’ve done over the past month in trying to understand if I’ve forgiven a specific person, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no timeline.  If you feel that you’ve forgiven someone but still get angered at the thought of what happened, you probably have not truly forgiven them and that’s ok!  Forgiveness does not make their actions any less excusable and it does not make you a bad person if you are unable to forgive! There may be specific things you deem unforgivable but true forgiveness cannot be forced. Be genuine with your forgiveness. Find it in your heart to forgive somebody for making a poor decision, or find it in your soul to forgive yourself for making a mistake (during this past relationship I made the mistake of letting my health and goals fall by the wayside, failing to put myself first, which I plan to write about in a future post). You will then find yourself free of any hold the person had on you. Afterwards, you can truly begin to move on.

6. Love.

  • Love yourself, love others, keep loving even after your heart has been smashed into a million pieces.  Love those who appreciate, support, comfort, educate, respect , and are kind.  I’ll never stop loving and falling in love.  It can get quite exhausting after being taken advantage of more than once, but I believe in Karma and in the power of positive thinking.  There are many degrees of love and I think everyone deserves love and happiness, even the emotional vampires.  I’ve learned to be a little more selective to whom I give my love but I will not give up on it’s amazing power. Sometimes you come across a bad seed in a world full of good ones, but don’t let them sour your spirit.

7. Learn.

  • Take your experience and learn from how it all unfolded.  My goal is to take negative heart crushing experiences and grow from every single detail without ending up a bitter old lonely cat lady or changing my trusting and gregarious nature.  I’ve come across the paths of people with many more years on this earth who have a delusional version of reality and truth and may never learn from their mistakes.  On the one hand it makes me sad, on the other hand it’s really none of my concern and I can continue to lead a fulfilling life without their skewed influence. A life I love, and a life I’ll only live once (since I’m unfortunately not a cat) so I might as well make it a happy and healthy life.

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Long Time, No Write.

I would like to express my extreme gratitude to my readers who have helped me achieve over 10k views in 5 months.  I was on vacation for a week and not really posting much over the past month, so when I logged in today I was all smiles!

It has been a very surreal past few months for me.  My personal life is in a place I would not have believed if told details 6 months ago.  I’m in a wonderful new(ish) relationship with an old flame, I’m in a new living situation I’ve never been in which is pretty awesome, and my sister is getting married in a little over a week with me as Maid of Dishonor. But this is what I’ve been feeling like doing instead of going to the gym…

nap

It’s that horrible spiral I find myself on when my health routine gets interrupted.   But these are life’s curve balls that get thrown at you whether you are sick, have little ones, have a full social calendar, or go on vacation and your gym/workout schedule gets pushed to the side.  I attempted Yoga while on vacation, but in an environment with lots of bugs and humidity in a cabin with NO AIR CONDITIONING I gave up after 2 days.  Then upon return from vacation my boyfriend moves in with me the very next day.  Not finding time to get to the gym because I’m hot and exhausted from our road trip and the move makes me realize I’m just coming up with excuses.  So I get down on myself.  This leads to a week of adjusting to the new living situation with a house in disarray and going back to work for the week.  I do have time for the gym if I made an effort, but I’d rather get the house together so it looks presentable than focus on myself making sure I look presentable.  Once again I need to change my way of thinking.

no time gym

I will stop thinking like the photo above.  I need to get my priorities back on track, I need to start making time for my own well being, and I need to remind myself it’s not too late.  I mentioned in a previous post if you fall off the healthy living wagon for a day, a week, a month, or even a year, it may be difficult to get back on but not impossible.  Of course it would be ideal not to fall off the wagon at all, but pshaw, I’m far from leading an ideal life!  What I do need is to take my own words of advice and not feel like I’ve permanently messed up my health regiment.  Time to get back to making better decisions!  It’s something I need to do, and I will.

I will take the feeling of tight jeans, joint pain, and lethargy as a reminder that I need to start moving just a little bit each day instead of feeling depressed and sabotaging myself when I go down the dark path of healthy destruction.  I will remind myself that my usual daunting 2-3 hour gym routine doesn’t have to exist.  Running for 20 minutes is better than nothing, don’t you remember that amazing feeling you get from the endorphins after a workout!?  Believe me, once I get moving, I’m good to go.  It’s the getting moving part that I have trouble with, I seem to psych myself out instead of up.

Stupid Newton and his physics laws of motion.

This blog helps keep me accountable for my actions and I cannot thank the blogging community and readers enough for it’s support and outlet for people struggling with body image and health issues their whole life.   Writing has always been easier for me than speaking face to face (though I’m definitely pretty open in person too) but it’s when I’m not open in either area when things are probably bad.  This blog helps me get out of that dark place and back on track.  I suggest anyone thinking about starting a blog should create one as a therapeutic resource on top of any other personal reasons.

So far, It’s worked for me.

1,000 Views & Countless Thank Yous!

CC image by Danielle Perez

CC image by Danielle Perez

I am humbled by the realization today that this blog has received over 1,000 total views since it’s inception on February 4th, just shy of 2 weeks ago.  I am somewhat new to blogging, and I am positive there are plenty of carefully thought out, researched, and fascinating blogs that get more to 1,000 views per day.  That gives me a beautiful goal to work towards, build an audience, and I am ready and excited to take on that challenge.  I am inspired every day with new blog topic ideas and have begun to really enjoy the research part as well as the personal experience of my approach to wellness.  The research is coming, promise. : )

I initially started this blog to yammer on about my life struggles with living a healthy lifestyle and food choices, with the hope that at least one person reads it and takes something positive away from my experiences.  I also use this blog as a therapeutic journal and will never claim to be an expert in weight loss and health, I can only share what I know or what I want to know.  Currently, I see no end to the information, ideas, and insight I can bring to the blogging community.  That being said, when I pay attention to the statistics and meet new blogger friends through likes and followings, it makes me feel like I am evolving into a lovely member of the blogging community.  I am becoming part of something larger than myself.  A community that I’ve had false starts in previous years because I was unable to find my voice. 2013 is the year I found my voice, and my confidence.  I am proud and privileged to be here.  I am here because of you and your support and encouragement and every day I strive to become a better version of myself while at the same time accepting who I am today.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

-KE

do better

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